


Everything

by castronomicalmistakes



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, Getting Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-27
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:34:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25556680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/castronomicalmistakes/pseuds/castronomicalmistakes
Summary: Rodney and John are stranded with little to no hope of rescue, and a fight in the middle of the woods spills some secrets.
Relationships: Rodney McKay/John Sheppard
Comments: 12
Kudos: 79





	Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Mention of John/Elizabeth.
> 
> No beta for this work, please excuse mistakes!

John had been in one of his moods, lately. Rodney couldn’t tell if he’d done something wrong or if John was being salty with everyone, but it felt _specifically_ targeted at him. They hadn’t been off-world in a week or so, and maybe Sheppard was restless. Sometimes the Colonel sulked about when he missed Elizabeth, not that he would admit it, but Rodney could tell. It had been almost a year, but sometimes her absence felt like a punch to the solar plexus. It had been her, _really_ her, albeit in Fran’s body, floating out there frozen in space, and Rodney knew it. John knew it, too. It might not have been her human body, but it had her consciousness. Hell, maybe it had her soul. Stranger things had happened in space; Daniel Jackson had _ascended_. And so, when John had gone to steal a spacesuit and a jumper, Rodney had been waiting. 

"I can’t leave her, Rodney," Sheppard had blurted out, stalking forward into the jumper, pleading in a way Rodney had never seen him do before. It had unnerved him. John's eyes were begging Rodney to understand, his body wound so tight Rodney wondered if Sheppard would push him, or even punch him, if he tried to stop him. 

Rodney had given a little shrug, looked his best friend in the eyes, and said, "I know. I brought an extra suit, if she needs it."

John didn't answer, but he brushed Rodney’s shoulder with his hand after he shut the jumper door and ordered the gate dialed, his eyes on the steering wheel. 

After they'd thawed her, the nanites immediately went to work repairing her body. John had sagged in relief and Rodney patted his shoulder awkwardly before heading for the cockpit and closing the door to give them privacy.

When Elizabeth left Atlantis two months later, Rodney had watched something inside Sheppard break. She couldn't bear to stay, “ _I’m a liability, you know that, John!”_ , but John couldn't leave. It was obvious he desperately wanted to go with her and travel the galaxy with the woman he was clearly in love with; Rodney couldn't have blamed him, as any version of Elizabeth was one hell of a woman. But five years in Atlantis had made it John's home. He was responsible for the city and its people who had long ago become his family. And Rodney understood, because Atlantis was also _his_ home, and where _his_ family was, too. He wouldn't trade it for anything.

Sheppard's recovery from Elizabeth's final departure was slow. Rodney did everything he felt he could, without overstepping his boundaries. They watched movies, played chess and poker (he _was_ going to figure out how John was cheating), and on bad nights he found John on the balcony the other man had so often shared with his Elizabeth. Rodney would stand beside him, their elbows barely touching, until John yawned and gave Rodney a little wave, heading to bed. Rodney knew he'd never fill her shoes. There would always be an Elizabeth shaped hole in John's heart. His too, though not in the same way. But he could be there, silently, when John needed him to. And no matter how tempted he was, Rodney never threw his moments of silence in John's face when he was saying, "Shut it, McKay," for the third time in a day, interrupting one of Rodney's verbal streams of consciousness. But Rodney did grumble, "You shut it, Sheppard," more than once in reply. John’s smirk was the only indication he'd heard.

It was a Tuesday like any other, and the team was tromping through a backwater planet- a literal swamp, a grimy, horrible excuse for a planet- and Rodney was tired and cranky. The signal was getting weaker, like its power source was dying- which, of course it was, now that they’d found it- and Rodney was all too sure if it disappeared completely they'd never find the source in this wretched swamp, and he'd been saying as much for the last ten minutes.

"We have to hurry," he grumbled, stumbling over yet another root below the surface of the water. 

John's arm snatched out to steady him, like he'd been waiting for it to happen. Rodney pulled his arm free of Sheppard's hand as soon as he was stable to show that he could, in fact, hold himself up, but still grumbled, "Thanks."

Sheppard gracefully didn't reply, focusing on the device in Rodney's outstretched hand. "You know that's upside down," Sheppard practically drawled.

Rodney’s eyes whipped down to the device. "No, it most certainly is not, this indicator-" he stopped when he saw the look on Sheppard's face. John was messing with him.

"Oh, ha ha, you're very funny, Colonel."

Ronon snickered and Rodney could have sworn Teyla rolled her eyes. 

"Just makin' sure you're paying attention, Rodney," John said.

"Paying attention to things is my job," Rodney snapped. He looked up from the GPS and, in the near distance, saw a mound of earth, actual not-two-feet-underwater dirt, and got excited. 

"That _must_ be it!" he exclaimed. He did his best to hurry through the swamp, reaching the small, though somewhat tall island in a matter of minutes, with everyone else close behind him. He slipped on his way up the bank but righted himself and hurried forward before Sheppard could get a jab in at him. In the center of the island was a huge, flat rock surrounded by gnarled trees, vines, and ferns, and in the center of it stood a stone obelisk, cracked and worn. It was a gray rock with blue veins in it and looked unlike any other technology they'd come across in this galaxy, to Rodney's excellent recollection.

"This is certainly where it's coming from," he told the others, staring down at his tablet. "Maybe even the obelisk itself, but I'd rather do more testing to be certain."

"Do you guys hear that?" Ronon asked. 

“Hear what?” Rodney grumbled, but Teyla gently shushed him.

They all waited quietly for a second and then the sound hit Rodney’s ears. Something was groaning, and it sounded like it was coming from underneath them. “What the hell is-” but he didn’t have time to finish before the rock they were all standing on cracked in half. Ronon grabbed Teyla and Rodney saw them roll down the embankment back down toward the swamp, but he didn’t even have time to yelp before John’s hands were grasping his flak jacket and they were sliding down into the newly formed gash in the rock as the obelisk came crashing down beside them. He couldn’t tell what was happening but he felt his body fall, John still holding onto him, and then the obelisk hit him in the head, and everything went dark.

As he drifted back into consciousness, Rodney could feel two things. His entire body hurt and something was on top of him. He tried to move, but whatever was on top of him was heavy, and he squirmed around a bit before he realized he wasn’t covered in rubble or trees; it was a person, which meant it was _Sheppard._

“Colonel,” he grumbled. He tried to reach around and give John a shake or a smack, but his arm couldn’t quite make the angle of it, and moving hurt like hell. “Sheppard!” he said a little louder. 

Wherever they were, it was dark, and Rodney was starting to panic. Was it nighttime on the swamp planet? He should be able to see stars. Why couldn’t he see the sky? Better yet, why hadn’t they drowned, if they were both unconscious? Surely once the earthquake stopped the crevice would have flooded with water.

Rodney did his best to roll Sheppard over, and while John was fit, the man was mostly muscle, and muscle was _heavy_. He grunted and wiggled until Sheppard slid off him and hit the ground with a thud that made Rodney wince. He quickly sat up and pulled out a flashlight, cringing at the brightness of it, blinking until his eyes adjusted, and then Rodney frantically searched for John’s face. He held his hand over John’s jugular, his own heart bursting with relief when he felt Sheppard’s heartbeat. He did a quick scan with the flashlight and couldn’t see any injuries besides minor scrapes and bruises. Then he used the flashlight to look around. They were in some kind of cave. Not terribly unusual for one of their misadventures, but how had they managed to go from a swamp to a cave? His flashlight zeroed in on something a few feet away and Rodney groaned when he saw it. The obelisk. Was it a transporter? Had it opened a door? Maybe they were in a secret area beneath the swamp or somewhere else on the planet. He’d have to see if his tablet was nearby and working, but first he turned on his communicator.

“Teyla, Ronon, come in,” he said. There was a staticky silence. “This is McKay. I have Sheppard, but I don’t know where we are. Do you read?” 

No response. He grumbled to himself about the need to expand the ear piece’s range and tried to stand. It was so painful it made him woozy and he collapsed back down to the ground. “Okay,” Rodney said to himself. “No standing yet. Resting is good.” 

That was when John groaned and Rodney heard the fabric of his clothes rustling.

“Rodney?” John’s voice came out groggy and weak. Rodney scrambled over to him, trying not to shine the flashlight in his eyes.

“Oh thank God, you’re awake,” Rodney said.

“What the hell happened?” Sheppard asked. He tried to sit up but his face creased with pain.

“What’s wrong?” Rodney asked.

“Why does my whole body hurt?” Sheppard groaned

“I don’t know,” Rodney said. “Mine does too, but I don’t seem to have any substantial injuries. 

John pulled his own flashlight out and pointed it at Rodney.

“Hey!” he spluttered. “Watch where you’re pointing that!”

“Rodney, you’re bleeding,” John said. This time he did sit up, despite the obvious protest from his body, and Sheppard’s hand reached up, gingerly poking at Rodney’s forehead.

“Ouch! Stop touching me with your ham hands,” he sniped. He reached up and felt where Sheppard had poked him and, sure enough, there was blood. “Shit,” Rodney said. “I wonder if I have a concussion.” 

Then suddenly John’s hand was on his face, steadying him, and Rodney’s breath caught in his throat as Sheppard leaned forward and pointed his flashlight in Rodney’s eyes, flicking it to the side a few times and watching the reaction of his pupils. But all Rodney could think about was how close John was to him, how scared he was, and how much he wanted to pull John toward him and _hug_ him. He wanted to pull John to his chest and bury his face in the crook of his neck, to take a minute and be grateful that, no matter what had happened, they were still alive. But he didn’t. He rarely did. John was always awkward about Rodney touching him, something Rodney had never understood. He’d seen John rest his hand on Teyla’s shoulders or slap Ronon on the back after a good banto bout or crude joke. But he never reached out for Rodney. When he’d first realized it, it had hurt his feelings. Was there something about him that was so off putting? Did John think Rodney hated physical contact? He’d long ago buried his worries about it and ignored Sheppard when he got weird about it.

John slid away from him and started looking around just as Rodney had before. “Teyla, Ronon, come in,” he said.

“I already tried,” Rodney told him. 

John nodded wearily and stood up with a groan. “Is there an exit?” he asked. 

“I haven’t checked yet,” Rodney said. John nodded again and began to walk around the cave. 

Rodney looked around but didn’t see his tablet. He cursed, knowing it was probably lost in that awful swamp, and after dragging himself to his feet, Rodney angrily stomped over to the obelisk. There were a few symbols on it that he could see, but it certainly wasn’t in ancient, and not any language he recognized. He heard John walk up behind him.

“Why aren’t you freaking out?” John asked.

Rodney felt a little pang of anger surge up but tamped it down and said as calmly as he could, “I’ve been working very hard not to, thank you. I’d rather put my mind toward figuring out where the hell we are and how we get home.” He was getting better at not lashing out at his teammates. Well, most of the time.

“Sounds like one too many life or death situations has brought out the best in you,” John pointed out. It sounded a little too much like a compliment.

“Well, what did you expect, Colonel?” he snapped, losing his patience. “It’s always up to me to save our collective asses, so excuse me if I’ve moved past the panic stage straight onto the getting us the hell out of here stage.” 

He thought he saw a flicker of something cross John’s face, but in the weak light of their flashlights he had no idea what it was. 

“I’ve saved your ass plenty of times, too, McKay,” John said, but there was no fight in his voice. Rodney started wondering if John had always sounded so damn _tired_.

“Yes,” he admitted quietly, “You have.” He flashed his light on the floor around the obelisk, looking for any other clues. “Did you find an exit?” he asked after another minute of examining the large stone and finding nothing. It was in two pieces now and didn’t look operational, but he was still afraid to touch it, lest they end up somewhere else, perhaps even more remote.

“Yeah, there’s a tunnel. But I still don’t understand how we got here.” 

“I think the obelisk must be a transporter of some kind,” Rodney mused.

“Transporters don’t usually transport _with_ you,” Sheppard pointed out.

“That’s Ancient technology, and Asgard. Whatever this is, it’s different.” 

John snorted. “Of course we find yet another highly advanced alien technology on the most backwater planet yet.” 

It amused Rodney that John had been just as irritated with the swamp as he’d been. John hadn’t let it show before, but now that they were lost his veneer of the stoic leader was running thin.

“Will it take us back?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Is it worth finding out?” John asked, eyeing the obelisk like he wanted to touch it. 

Rodney shrugged. “It’s in two pieces, Sheppard, I strongly doubt it’ll work.” He crouched down and examined the area where the obelisk had split in two. In the center of it was a shattered crystal, some wiring, and what might have been a motherboard, but he didn’t understand any of it, and without the tablet he couldn’t even try to access the systems of the obelisk. 

Without warning, John grabbed Rodney’s hand and then reached out and touched the obelisk.

“Colonel!” Rodney exclaimed hotly. But nothing happened. 

John’s hand was warm over his, and Rodney didn’t want him to let go, sucking all the comfort he could out of the touch before Sheppard released his hand with a shrug. “Figured it was worth a try,” John said a little sheepishly. 

Rodney clenched the fist John had grabbed. “Well, what if it had worked, but transported us somewhere even further away?” he growled. “You know as well as I do, the first rule of being lost: stay put. I saw Ronon and Teyla fall down the embankment. With any luck they made it back to the Stargate and there’s five teams of Marines on the planet looking for us.” 

“Woolsey would only send three,” John said. “We’ve got a handful of off-world missions at the moment, he couldn’t spare five teams.” 

Rodney knew John made the duty roster every month, and couldn’t disagree. Three teams of Marines would probably suffice, however. And if anyone could find them, it was Ronon.

“Besides,” John continued. “I don’t think we’re in the same area, anymore.” 

“Why not?” Rodney asked.

“We were in a swamp, with no visible land for miles, and now we’re in a cave,” John said. “Stands to reason we traveled pretty far.” 

Rodney grunted, having already thought of that, but deciding not to comment. Sheppard clapped him on the back, and Rodney’s eyes went wide with surprise. John was clearly worried, too.

“Let’s follow that tunnel,” John advised. Rodney followed, pulling a power bar from his jacket pocket and wolfing it down.

“You should ration those,” John told him. “I’m not sharing when you run out.” 

Rodney rolled his eyes. He knew full well that Sheppard would share, if it came to that. John knew it, too.

The tunnel led out to a small forest, and Rodney groaned when he realized it was actually night. So much for being able to figure out where they were. 

“I guess we’ll have to camp until morning,” John said with a sigh. “We’ll sleep in the cave, and have a look around tomorrow.” 

Through the trees, Rodney could see the sky. Stars twinkled bright above them, and he was looking at them intensely for a minute before it dawned on him. 

“Oh my God,” Rodney groaned. “Shit, shit, _shit_!” 

“What?” John asked, hurrying over to him. “Rodney, what?”

Gesturing at the sky, Rodney tried not to yell but failed. “The stars!” he exclaimed. “They’re in the wrong place!”

John’s face fell in the moonlight when he realized what Rodney was saying. “We’re on a different planet.” 

“Yes, and I’ll have to do some calculations but based on that star, right there,” he pointed up at a slightly brighter one, part of one of the constellations they’d designated as Pontiac (one of the moron astronomers was a total car nut), “we’re on the opposite side of the _galaxy!_ ”

“Fuck,” Sheppard spat. Rodney would have agreed but he’d begun instinctively doing the breathing exercises Dr. Heightmeyer had shown him and was trying not to have a full blown panic attack. 

“What if this planet doesn’t have a Stargate?” he gasped. The bubbling anxiety and rapid increase in heart rate were exploding within him. Rodney squatted down on the ground and let his head hang down between his knees, his breathing ragged now, feeling unsteady on every single level.

A hand found the nape of his neck, and John was looking down at him with concern. “Rodney, we’ll get home. One way or another.” John gave him his usual cocky smirk. “Have I ever steered you wrong before?”

That elicited a harsh laugh from Rodney. “Yes,” he accused.

John shrugged. “Okay, fine. But we always made it home before. We will this time, too.” 

Rodney had to admire John for his idiotic optimism. He leaned into John’s hand and let the warmth of it steady him until his heart was no longer hammering in his chest and he could breathe somewhat normally.

“Thank you,” he mumbled. He wasn’t sure how John could always figure out how to calm him down.

John pulled his hand from Rodney’s neck and grabbed his vest, hauling Rodney to his feet. “Let’s hit the hay.” 

The floor of the cave did not, in fact, have any hay, and was hard and uncomfortable. After an hour of being unable to fall asleep, Rodney was freezing. He kept rolling over, trying to get comfortable one way or another, but it seemed impossible.

“Will you stop it and go to sleep,” Sheppard mumbled.

“I’m trying,” Rodney snapped back. “It’s fucking cold in here.” 

He heard Sheppard let out a long suffering sigh before John’s hand touched Rodney’s arm and pulled it in his direction.

“What?” Rodney grumbled.

“Come here,” John said. 

Rodney knew John was inviting him to snuggle up next to him. For warmth, Rodney understood, but still. They’d been in situations where they had to do this before, of course, but it was usually them _and_ Ronon or Teyla, or all four of them, so it didn’t seem so… intimate.

Still, he wasn’t going to pass up the opportunity for warmth and real sleep, so he scooted across the floor of the cave until his back found Sheppard’s chest. John spread his arm on top of Rodney’s, his hand curled around Rodney’s shoulder, and it made Rodney’s breath hitch in his throat. Part of him considered turning to face John, but that would be even weirder than Sheppard’s dick up against Rodney’s ass. He couldn’t feel it, per say, but he knew it was there. And suddenly, that was all he could think about, and he cursed himself and his _own_ dick as it started to get ideas about what was happening. He’d long ago begun to repress any thoughts in that area. John was John, a cocky flyboy who was good with the ladies, and Rodney was nothing more than his super smart, irritating best friend. He’d learned to be happy with that, so he told his hormones to shove it and pulled his rear an inch or two from John’s front under the pretense of shifting his weight.

“Why are you so goddamn tense?” John said into Rodney’s hair, his voice thick with sleep.

“We’re stuck on a fucking freezing alien planet a galaxy away from Atlantis and you want to know why I’m _tense_?” Rodney said tersely.

John’s hand squeezed Rodney’s shoulder and he pulled himself closer, looping a leg over one of Rodney’s so he couldn’t move away again. “Shut the fuck up and sleep, Rodney.” 

After a long while, engrossed in the rhythm of Sheppard’s soft breathing, Rodney did just that.

Morning came too soon, the light streaming in from the distant opening of the tunnel, and Rodney yawned, stretching his arms above his head. He was disappointed to realize Sheppard was already awake and out of the cave, probably taking a leak somewhere. Rodney could use one, too. He stood up and rubbed a hand over his eyes, annoyed by the crust he found in the corners of them. There just _had_ to be something on this planet he was allergic to, didn’t there? The universe was ever cruel. He wiped it away and headed outside, disturbed to find no sign of John.

“Colonel?” he called out, looking around. No response. “Sheppard, where are you?”

He took a few steps away from the cave, scanning the tree line for any sign of John. “Sheppard? Sheppard!” He was starting to panic again. Trapped with Sheppard on a mystery planet he could handle. Stranded alone, he could not. “John!” he yelled.

“Jesus, Rodney,” Sheppard’s voice came from right behind him, making Rodney nearly jump out of his skin. “Do you want to get the attention of the _entire_ forest?” 

He whirled around to find John leaning against a tree with that stupid, smug look on his face, like he knew Rodney had been seconds away from losing it.

“Don’t fucking do that,” Rodney snapped.

“Why didn’t you just call me on the radio?” John asked.

Rodney started to protest but stopped himself. “Oh. Right. Sorry.” He shook his head. “I’m not- this is-” He stopped and sighed. “I hate this mission.” 

John looked like he wanted to say something snippy but thought better of it. “Well, I’m sorry you’re stuck with me out here, McKay, but you’re just going to have to deal with it until we find a way home.” 

“It’s not being stuck with _you_ that’s the problem,” Rodney protested. “It’s being stuck _at all_.” 

John let out a little huff that Rodney interpreted as, _yeah right_ , but didn’t respond. Getting into a pissing match with Sheppard before he’d even pissed that morning wasn’t how he wanted to start his day.

“I’m going to relieve myself,” he said, and then stalked off to find some privacy.

“So,” John said as they sat outside the cave eating protein bars. “How did we get here?” 

Rodney shrugged. “My best guess is that when the signal finally died, it set off a sequence of events designed to bury the obelisk, but when we fell against it the final burst of power activated the stupid thing and took us with it.” 

“Why would they want to hide it?” 

“The signal?” Rodney asked. “I don’t know. Maybe they just didn’t want the wrong person to find it. Who knows how long that thing had been broadcasting.” 

They’d originally followed it because, despite the fact that they couldn’t decipher it, Rodney had been worried it was a distress call. Now, he really, really wished they’d ignored it completely, that he’d written it off as a fluke, and they’d left the damn swamp and gone home.

They ate in silence for a few more minutes, before Rodney couldn’t take it anymore. “What do we do now?” Rodney asked.

John sighed. “There’s a river that way. I say we follow it and look for any signs of civilization. We’ll need a source of water while we travel.”

“What happened to stay put?” Rodney asked.

“That only works if you’re on the same planet, McKay. And we brought the damn transporter with us, remember?” 

Rodney made a noncommittal gesture, but silently agreed with Sheppard. Civilization would be good. Perhaps they could find a town, or at least a village, and get a good meal and a place to sleep. Not that they had much to trade, but people had taken pity on them before. And he could always offer to fix something or provide them with information on a better system of irrigation, building construction, or energy efficiency. His engineering knowledge, little that it was, had served them well in the past. Perhaps he could make use of it again.

“You, ah, didn’t happen to find my tablet, did you?” Rodney asked hopefully. 

He slouched when Sheppard shook his head. “Sorry, McKay. I don’t think it made the trip.” 

“Of course it didn't,” Rodney grumbled.

“How many power bars do you have left?” John asked. 

Rodney rifled through his pockets before declaring, “Five.” 

“And I’ve got four,” Sheppard said. “So we’ll make it a few days, if you can contain yourself.” 

“What, I- I-” Rodney spluttered, “I am _not_ a wasteful man!” 

“I never said that,” John said patiently. “But you are, more often than not, hungry.” 

Rodney stood, deciding he didn’t want to argue. Usually he loved needling John and battling back and forth with him, but his anxiousness about their situation and the true, horrifying realization that they were likely to run out of food somewhat quickly were settling heavy in his chest, and he wanted to get moving. “Where’s the damn river?” 

Three days later and there was still no sign of civilization. They were down to one protein bar, and John had started sharpening a long stick with a knife as they walked.

“And what exactly do you expect to do with that, hmm?” Rodney asked, gesturing to the stick.

“Hunt,” John replied like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What, you’re going to run around the forest covered in mud looking for a rabbit?” 

“Nothing quite so banal,” John quipped, and Rodney found his brain stuck for a moment. Sheppard’s blase attitude and drawl often made it easy to forget he was smarter than some of the scientists, and Rodney found himself wondering just how big a vocabulary the Colonel had. He’d seen the books in Sheppard’s quarters, but had never really considered the Colonel reading them.

“Do you play Scrabble?” Rodney asked.

John turned and looked at him oddly. “What?” 

“Scrabble, you know, the board game with the letter tiles and the spelling?” 

“I know what Scrabble is, Rodney, what’s your point?” 

Rodney shrugged. “I like Scrabble.” 

John let out a low hum but didn’t respond. Rodney listened to the soft flow of the river water, the forest birds, and the light scraping of John’s knife against the edge of the stick. 

“So what are you going to do with it?” Rodney asked.

“With what?” John mumbled back, examining the point he’d sharpened.

“The stick,” Rodney said, holding back the “ _duh”._ “If you aren’t going to use it to spear down a forest creature, what is it for?”

“Rodney,” John said patiently, “We’ve been following a river for three days.” 

“Oh,” Rodney said, his eyes lighting up. “Fish! I like fish.”

“I know,” John replied. “And it’s easier to spear a fish than a fox.” 

“There are foxes in these woods?” Rodney asked, looking around. 

John laughed loudly, and Rodney hadn’t realized how much he’d missed it. He’d spent the most of the last few days sulking while John whistled and tried to keep him from eating all their rations, and most of the conversation between them had been arguments.

“I haven’t seen any foxes, no,” John admitted. “But, I have seen fish.” 

That was how Rodney found himself with the duty of collecting sticks and making a fire while John waded out into the river, his boots abandoned on the shore. Rodney wasn’t particularly good at making fires, at least not ones that would last more than a few minutes. But he’d gotten some tips from Teyla and Ronon on previous missions, and watched them enough times that he figured he could get it right. He wanted to, just so Sheppard wouldn’t be able to mock him for it. Because of course Colonel John Sheppard could practically make a fire by glaring at the wood and telling it to ignite.

John returned with four fish, and just the sight of them made Rodney’s mouth water. “How’d you do that so fast?” he asked.

Sitting down, John planted the stick in the dirt and slid one of the fish off the end. “I got a little lost in Brazil once, spent way too much time trying not to die in the jungle.” He began expertly scaling the fish.

“You learned how to spear fish in the _Amazon River_?” Rodney asked incredulously.

Sheppard nodded. “Mmhmm. But the rest of that trip is classified.” 

It was Rodney’s turn to nod. Even though he wasn’t military, the amount of things he couldn’t tell civilians about the Stargate program was enough to understand the true meaning of ‘classified’.

“Were you stranded long?” Rodney asked. He knew John wouldn’t tell him, he just couldn’t help himself.

John eyed him as he scaled the fish. “Class-i-fied.”

Rodney rolled his eyes. “Sorry, Colonel.” 

After a moment, Sheppard said somewhat hesitantly, “You know, we’re trapped together in the middle of nowhere. You could just call me John.” 

Rodney snorted. “Right. For now, you’d be John, but the minute we’re in danger again, you’ll yell, ‘That’s an order, McKay!’ and I’ll listen, because you’re my commanding officer and I have to.” 

John’s face fell, and Rodney thought perhaps he’d said something wrong. “That’s true,” John conceded gruffly. “Colonel it is.” Sheppard stood up and stalked off into the woods. 

Rodney didn’t ask where he was going, he knew John was too smart to wander too far away. But he did wonder why it bothered him. Rodney had always called John by his rank, and it had never been a problem before. He’d thought John was proud of his rank; Lieutenant Colonel wasn’t anything to turn your nose up at. Maybe John was more worried than Rodney had realized about their chances of getting back to Atlantis. Did he think they were going to be trapped out here on this godforsaken planet forever? What would that be like? Living in the woods, alone, forever, with nobody but John to talk to? Would he call him Colonel as they grew old together? Not likely. But then again, Rodney couldn’t imagine a scenario where they _stopped_ trying to get back to Atlantis. Realistically, if there weren’t any people or technology on this planet at all, they’d simply have to hope that somehow, someway, their friends would find them. And that thought scared the shit out of him. So, when John returned from his sulk in the woods, Rodney stood up.

“I… I’m sorry, John.” 

Sheppard’s face whipped up to catch Rodney’s. “What? For what? You hate apologizing.” 

“Who doesn’t?” Rodney replied with an annoyed sigh. “It’s uncomfortable. But I don’t want to upset you. We may be stuck together for the, ah, significant future, as it were.” 

John nodded, relieved that Rodney seemed to understand him. He returned to his task of gutting fish and putting them back on the spear. He held it out over the coals, letting the heat cook the fish without charring the flesh on the flames of the fire. Rodney appreciated that; he was certain if it was John and Ronon out here he’d have simply thrust it over the top of the fire so it cooked faster. But John was cooking it so that it would be how Rodney liked it, and that brought more warmth to Rodney’s chest than any fire ever could.

After they ate and washed up in the river, they lay a few feet apart near the campfire, just as they had the last couple of nights. There was no reason for them to share warmth when they could build a fire, to Rodney's dismay. Rodney looked over at John, who was absentmindedly picking at one of his fingernails.

“Stop that,” Rodney commanded.

“What?” John asked.

“That,” Rodney said, pointing to John’s hands. “You’ll just make it worse.” 

“I hate hangnails,” John grumbled. 

“Well lucky for you, I have clippers,” Rodney said. He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a tiny set of nail clippers.

“Why do you even…?” John asked.

“I hate hangnails, too,” Rodney said with a shrug. 

John looked like he wanted to ask more questions but reached out and snatched up the clippers, going to work on his fingernail. Rodney watched him, eyeing John’s big, lithe hands. He’d always thought John had nice hands. They’d ended up bloody and bruised more times than either of them could count, but right now they weren’t even dirty, and Rodney let himself look at them, imagining what it would be like for John to slide those hands down his bare torso, along his hips and lower back. He shivered and nearly groaned out loud, irritated with himself. This was why he shoved everything down, deep down, far away, where he could deny it for eternity. Getting wrapped up in thoughts of John would just leave him blue balled and sad. 

He forced himself to turn on his side. “Goodnight, Colonel.” 

There was a quiet moment before John said, “Goodnight, Rodney.” 

After three more days, Rodney was very, very sick of fish. While he was grateful for the river, as they didn't die of thirst and had easy access to water for bathing, Rodney didn’t want to have to look at another fish for the rest of his natural life if he could help it. The lines around John’s face had deepened; Rodney was sure Sheppard had believed they’d run into some sign of life on this planet by now. They’d left the cave and the obelisk six days ago, so he figured they’d traveled about two hundred kilometres, give or take. The fact that they were still in the forest was disconcerting to him as well. How big was the damn forest? Did it cover the entire planet? Maybe there weren’t any oceans, just trees, trees, and more trees.

“What are you grumbling about, Rodney?” John asked. 

Rodney hadn’t realized he’d been verbalizing any of his thoughts. He cleared his throat. “I was just thinking about how big this forest must be,” he said. “And what the possibility is that it covers the entire planet.” 

“A whole planet full of nothing but trees?” John asked. 

Shrugging, Rodney said, “Well, it _is_ possible.” 

“I guess so.” 

The long, silent walks had made it harder and harder for Rodney not to focus on John. He’d tried to fill the silence by talking about anything he could think of; movies, physics, his plans when they got back to Atlantis. And sometimes he could rope John into the conversation, but more often than not, John simply listened and hmm’d and nodded in all the right places. The other man was significantly more haggard than he’d been the week before, though Rodney was sure he looked similarly, but at least he wasn’t in a terrible mood all day every day like John.

“Is something… I don’t know, wrong?” he asked.

“Aside from the fact that we’re stranded on the tree planet with little to no hope of rescue?” John asked with his eyebrows raised slightly.

“Yes,” Rodney said. “Aside from that.” 

John shrugged and looked up at the sky. Through the trees that resembled Earth’s evergreens, the sky was a hazy blueish white, with thin, barely there cloud cover all around. “No, McKay. I’m fine.” 

“Why do you do that?” Rodney asked. “Why am I ‘Rodney’ when you’re teasing me or worried, but when you’re irritated or barking an order suddenly I’m ‘McKay’?” 

“What?” John spluttered. “I don’t do that.” 

“I’m pretty sure I’ve noticed it lately, actually,” Rodney retorted. “I guess I didn’t realize that _you_ hadn’t realized you were doing it.” 

“Shut up… Rodney,” John purposefully drawled.

Rodney rolled his eyes. 

They walked along in silence for a few more minutes before John sighed and looked over at him. “It’s easier,” he said a little tersely. “It’s easier for you to be McKay when we’re in danger, because then I’m not thinking about what would happen if I lost Rodney.” 

“But it’s the same. _I’m_ Rodney _and_ McKay. And we’re not in danger right now, so why am I McKay right now?” 

Sheppard sighed. “Forget it.” 

“Come on, Sheppard, I just-

“I said drop it,” John snapped. 

“John, you’re not going to lose me, I’m right here!” Rodney exclaimed.

And then, John was grabbing the straps of Rodney’s vest and shoving him back up against a tree. “But it’s a possibility!” John yelled. “It’s always possible that one day, something will happen and you won’t make it back to- or you’ll finally understand why I’m-” he faltered, “and I just-” 

John trailed off, staring into Rodney’s eyes. He knew they were as big as dinner plates as he stared at Sheppard in shock; it was like everything John had been holding onto had been loosed, and he sagged, withdrawing back into himself. He let go of Rodney’s vest and went to take a step back, but Rodney reached out and grabbed John’s wrists.

“John,” he said quietly. He didn’t fully understand what Sheppard was going on about, but he had to say _something_ . “I’m scared too. Every time we end up stranded on a wraith planet or you fly off on some fucking suicide mission to blow up a hive I’m so terrified for you it _hurts_. But that’s what we signed up for.” 

“So what are you saying?” John asked hotly, trying feebly to pull his wrists out of Rodney’s grasp. “That if I died, you’d just move on and be okay?” 

“Of course not!” Rodney snapped. “I’d be worse than you after Elizabeth left!” 

John’s eyes were burning into his now, the intensity there fiery and frightening. “What the hell does that mean?” John asked, his voice low.

“Oh for God’s sake,” Rodney sputtered. This conversation had veered into extremely dangerous territory, and he hadn’t even understood half of it. He let go of John’s wrists and tried to move away, but Sheppard stuck an arm out and gripped Rodney’s upper arm.

“I… I loved Elizabeth,” John said, his voice nearly choked. “And _you_ know that. So what the fuck do you mean you’d be worse off than me when Elizabeth left if I died?” 

Rodney didn’t think it was possible for him to be more mortified or angry with himself in this moment. He should have just let the whole thing go and kept his mouth shut. 

Fuming, he shoved John away from him. “I think you can fucking guess. And since we both know it’s a one sided, completely disastrous feeling, why don’t we pretend this conversation never happened, hmm?” He could feel the heat in his face and his ears, and knew he was as red as the time they’d gone to the desert planet without sunscreen.

John’s face wore an expression Rodney didn’t understand. He knew he wasn’t good with people but he was good with John, and this look was new. It made Rodney falter in his anger, and his face shifted as his primary emotion became confusion.

“Completely one sided?” John finally asked, and his face broke out in a grin as he started to laugh. “We are so damned _stupid_.” 

Rodney was about to ask what the hell Sheppard was talking about when John strode over, completely invading his space, John’s hands reaching up, cupping Rodney’s face.

“I don’t- ah, what?” was all Rodney could get out in his panicky confusion before John softly pressed his lips to Rodney’s.

Something inside of him exploded. His heart started doing back flips and his stomach flip flops and _oh my God,_ John was _kissing_ him. It took him a second too long for his brain to catch up, but when he did, Rodney melted. His arms flew around John’s back, gripping his waist and the back of his neck, opening his mouth to let John in. They kissed passionately for a moment, trading the wet, open mouthed kisses of two men who had been hungry for _so long_. 

“Holy fuck,” Rodney moaned as John started trailing kisses down his neck. “How long?” he gasped. “I thought you were straight, I-” 

“Don’t ask, don’t tell, Rodney,” John said, biting softly at the soft skin above Rodney’s collarbone. It made him weak in the knees, and he was glad he was clinging to Sheppard with both hands. “Why do you think my father wrote me out of his will?” 

Rodney balked at that, pulling away slightly. “Fucking bigot!” he accused.

John shrugged. He looked at Rodney now, and there was a small spark of something in his eyes that had been missing for a long time. “I don’t really care. I doubt I’ll make it back to Earth, anyway.” 

“John, we are going to get off this stupid planet, I swear it,” Rodney swore, gripping John even tighter. “If anyone can find a way, it’s me, and you know it.” 

John reached out and brushed his fingers along Rodney’s cheek as he grabbed Rodney’s fingers with his other hand. “I meant, we’d die of old age in Atlantis.” 

“Oh. Well. Yes,” Rodney agreed. He looked down at their entwined hands. “That doesn’t sound so bad, does it?” 

John let out a low chuckle and pulled Rodney close again, kissing him with a soft intensity that was so purely John that Rodney let out an involuntary, happy sigh.

“How long?” Rodney asked again. “Er, how long have you felt, you know, like this, about me?” he tried to clarify.

At that, John looked uncomfortable. “Before she came back I started to…” 

“But then she _was_ back, and you still loved her. And then, she left and broke your heart again,” Rodney finished. 

“It broke her heart, too,” John said quietly.

“I know,” Rodney agreed. 

“It was strange, realizing I was... feeling something, for you, and then suddenly finding her back and I… then I was so lost. But you were there, every time I needed you.” John pressed a kiss to Rodney’s lips. “Thank you,” he said softly.

“You’re my best friend,” Rodney said automatically, as if it were the simplest thing in the universe.

“Well,” John said, his characteristic smirk appearing on his lips. “Hopefully a little more than that, now that I’ve had my tongue down your throat.” 

Rodney felt himself blush, and then felt stupid for blushing. “So, what, I’m your boyfriend now?” 

“My everything,” John said softly. Rodney couldn’t believe what he was hearing. Not only had Sheppard been in love with him for ages, but he was practically admitting it, out loud. He’d never figured John to be such a sap. And God help him, he _liked_ it.

Smiling, Rodney kissed John again. “Mine, too.” 

Two days later, they found a village. Rodney nearly cried with relief. They were given a place to sleep, a meal (which Rodney absolutely _devoured_ , while John looked at him with a stupid grin on his face), and directions to a Stargate. 

It was just their luck that the damn DHD was broken. John stood behind him, his hand on his P90, as Rodney was crouched down with the control panel open, examining the crystals.

“Well?” John asked. “Can you make it work?” 

“Can you give me more than five seconds, please?” Rodney snapped. He sighed and tried again. “I can at least tell you that if I _can_ make it work, it’s going to take a while, since I don’t have any equipment with me. Go build a campfire or catch a fish or something, He-Man.” 

John laughed. “Yes, sir.” 

They spent that night beside the fire John made, in a large bedroll the kind townspeople had given them. They’d provided the two men with provisions for their trip once Rodney had mentioned his intention to repair the DHD. Apparently they were eager to be able to meet with old trading partners; the Stargate had stopped working several years prior.

“What happens when we get home?” Rodney asked. John was curled up beside him, running his fingers along Rodney’s arm.

“With us?” John asked.

“Yes.” 

He felt John shrug beside him. “We could have a real date,” John suggested.

Rodney smiled. He would like that, he really would, but that wasn’t what he’d been asking. “I meant, do you have to keep this a secret?” 

John’s fingers stopped moving. “Why? You _want_ this to be a secret?” 

“No, no, no,” Rodney assured him. Why did he always put his foot in his mouth? “Don’t ask, don’t tell, remember?” 

John visibly relaxed. “It was repealed. Don’t you read the news?” 

“What makes you think I have time for American news?” Rodney grumbled. “I have better things to do with my time and magnificent brain.” 

“I can think of a few things you could do with your time,” John suggested, his eyes heavy with lust as they dropped down to Rodney’s lips. 

Rodney nodded in agreement as John rolled on top of him, bringing his head up to meet John’s in a passion fueled kiss. “I can’t wait until we can do this in a real bed,” Rodney said with a grin against John’s lips. 

John leaned down and whispered in his ear, “I’m going to take you apart.” And it was a wonder they got any sleep at all that night.

It only took Rodney the rest of the morning and a few sharp shocks to fix the DHD well enough to get their IDC through. They couldn’t establish a stable wormhole, but Atlantis could now that they had their gate address, and it was mere minutes before Teyla, Ronon, and a bunch of Marines stormed the gate to find Rodney with a stupid grin on his face and John smirking. 

“About time,” John teased.

Teyla hugged them both fiercely before Ronon pushed her aside and took both men into his huge arms.

“It’s okay, Chewie,” John said, patting Ronon's arm. “We just got a little lost.” 

Rodney knew, deep down, that they’d merely lucked out again, and that there was every possibility they could have been lost on a planet without a Stargate forever. He was so grateful they made it home that he did his best to be kinder to everyone. It was hard for him not to snap at someone who’d proposed something utterly idiotic, but he passed his yearly interrogation from the IOA with flying colors and thought maybe he really was improving himself, somehow.

It took Rodney less than a week to start moving some of his things into John’s room. It was purely practical, since he’d spent every night there since their return, and he was tired of wearing John’s too-tight shirts. John was muscular in different ways than Rodney, and they’d both enjoyed spending time exploring each other’s bodies. The morning after their return to Atlantis, Ronon had given Rodney a wink and a slap on the back in the mess, and he only understood later when he looked in the mirror and noticed the giant hickey on his collarbone. It turned out Teyla, Ronon, and Beckett had a bet going about whether or not they’d been sleeping together even before their ill fated trip across the galaxy. Out of stubbornness, both John and Rodney refused to answer them one way or the other. They’d both realized they’d been dancing around it long before their relationship came to fruition, and Rodney was starting to understand how little had changed now that they were officially together. They still spent most of their free time with one another, only now it included makeouts and sex. And sex with Sheppard, Rodney had learned, was just as mind-blowing as the rumor mill thought. Especially in a bed.

He still wasn’t sure exactly when, amongst all the running for their lives, nearly dying, and saving one another that John had become his constant, his north star, the thing he needed to ground himself with. But he had. And John had, for reasons Rodney still didn’t understand, chosen him, too. John was his everything. And he was John’s. And he wasn’t sure they’d have ever known it if they hadn’t been stranded together on the planet full of trees. He smiled, watching John laugh with Ronon and Teyla in the mess. He really loved that beautiful man.


End file.
